I stared out the window while Jeff, the back-guy, discretely checked the condition of my ass. A little moment of stunned silence. Then my chiropractor let out a low, slow whistle through his teeth. “That is a really deep bruise,” he said. “What did you do?”
And the tale began so simply–with a spot on the tile, a bottle of Lysol and Missy’s water bowl.
You know that movie Signs? And the little girl had this weird need to drink a lot of water? But she was very picky about the water? As a result there were a helluva lot of half filled glasses around the house? Well, our cat Missy is kind of like that. A small saucer doesn’t do it for her. There might be drought. She wants a big, honkin’ bowl, and she prefers that it be topped up frequently.
The spot on the floor was about ten inches away from her bowl. Missy hunkered down and watched me clean the spot, her tail twitching in what may or may not have been a threatening manner.
If we have to be picky with the details of what happened next, I have to own that I may or may not have said something nasty in reply to my feline friend. That’s really immaterial, and if Karma thinks I deserved what I got because I may have dissed my cat, well then Karma can kiss my…
Anyhow, spot taken care of, I put on the coffee. And then because it was freakin’ dawn, and I hadn’t had my caffeine, I forgot all about the greasy residue that Lysol leaves on ceramic tile.
The moment my bare foot slid on the Lysol smear, I thought, “This is so going to hurt.”
I hate it when I’m right.
Both legs shot up in the air, and I came down hard on my ass. Thud. A moment later, the back of my head landed into Missy’s water bowl. Splash.
Husband heard the ba-bump and came pelting down the stairs to discover me laying in a pool of water. “Bear,” he said very cleverly. “You’re all wet.”
The bottom line is this: Jeff the back guy is sending me for X-rays to determined whether or not I actually cracked my tail bone because my right butt cheek looks like Stallone’s face at the end of Rocky II.
So it’s official. I can say without any exaggeration that I have found working on the edits for Hedi’s next adventure one enormous PAIN IN THE ASS.