Here is a list of thing you should do now that you’ve handed in your manuscript:
- Pay the bills. Mastercard will send a thank you letter.
- Start the diet so that the 6 pounds you gained over the last 2 months can magically disappear in 4.5 days.
- Water the plants. They’re not dead, they’re sleeping.
- Buy toilet paper. Kleenex is bad for the water system.
- Retrieve from the back seat of the car, the bottle of Amaretto bought last week as a “please-don’t-hate-me” gift for hubby. Tear off card. Replace with “Let’s celebrate! I’m done!”
- Hit play on the phone messages.
- Read a piece of non-fiction. The newspaper will do.
- Trim the dog’s face. He is not a bear. He’s a cocker spaniel.
- Do a 6 loads of laundry, then throw out the circa 1998 panties you found at the back of your empty underwear drawer.
- Replace face cream. Vaseline Intensive Care is a hand product, not a wrinkle reducer.
- Remove the red t-shirt worn for the last 6 consecutive days. Inquire whether it would prefer to walk on its own or be carried to the fireplace.
- Go see the dentist. You know you cracked a tooth with that Scotch Mint. Yes, you do. Your tongues been playing with the crevasse for the last 8 days.
- Go up to your kid’s room. See that world globe? Close your eyes. Spin it. Count to 3. Then stab your finger down. There you go. Time to fire up expedia.com. (Okay, yes, if you hit Bolivia you can have a do-over).
- Remember that behind every fanatical writer, there are people who safeguard the writer’s bubble of creativity. Have you felt the sting of the outside world? No? Why is that? Perhaps it’s because your path has been kept thorn-free. Who did that? Ah… Your husband. Your kids. Your sisters and brother. Your friends. Think. What can you do for them?
- Now, go do it.
Your friend and alter-ego,
[AND YES, blog readers. Approximately fifteen minutes ago, I sent off my manuscript. I did kill IT though doing so just about slayed me. Next week, I will tell you about that voyage. Right now, there's a bottle of Amaretto with my name on it.]